I wasn’t ready to share my weight or a photo when I started this blog. I was feeling pretty excited to dive into the process of losing weight and getting healthier again….until I saw a photo of myself in a bathing suit.
Yeah, an obesity snapshot isn’t exactly what most women want up on the Internet for all to see.
I burst into tears when I looked at the photo.
Full on sobbing.
I was on a great weekend mini-vacation with my daughter on the west coast of Florida. We had a wonderful day floating in the Gulf of Mexico. But I was crushed when I saw what I looked like, no matter how hard I try to show confidence and self-esteem in front of her.
I weighed 315 pounds in June.
That isn’t my highest weight. I was around 330 when I got married in 1999.
I dropped down to around 260 about a year after my wedding, but it was through unsafe methods (restricting calories in an unrealistic way, which led to bingeing and purging). Since then, my weight has been back and forth. Up and down. Around and around.
I’m done with that.
I’m cutting the crap, even if it’s by baby steps. I’m making changes. I’m not playing the victim to emotional eating anymore. I’m going to be the boss of it.
So I’m putting it all out here.
Me in a bathing suit at 35-years-old and 315 pounds. (I’m 5’10.)
I admit there’s also a front view photo that I’m not ready to show yet! I just don’t want my face all of the Internet as the poster girl for obesity or end up on some freaky fetish website for guys who like overweight women in bathing suits!
It’s going to make for a great “BEFORE” picture one day, though!
I’m down about 20 pounds since the photo was taken. I’m still wearing the bathing suit. It probably doesn’t look a whole lot different.
That’s okay. I know the differences are happening.
So there I am.
I loved that red and white polka dot bathing suit before seeing photos of me in it. An older gentleman joked “dot’s nice” with me about it that weekend.
If you are on a beach or near a pool in Florida, you’ll still see me wearing it. I’m not letting my body stop me from enjoying life even when I feel bad about the way I look in photos.
My body still does amazing things.